open post

[wecanbealright]

PLOTTING | PROMPTS | STARTERS | OVERFLOW | TEXTS | ETC

Comments

@flametoplease

[wecanbealright]

[ << ]

[The way he steps closer to TK under everyone's gazes is a fully unconscious movement, seeking out the one familiar thing in the room and barely quelling the urge to hide behind him. People are not exactly Dave's strong suit. At least he brought treats. It's the best way he knows to break the ice.]

We close around five, so by six, I'm... pretty much wide open, most days. [Translation: he has basically no life outside his shop. He offers a little grin, hopeful.] The next week's pretty clear? I don't know what your schedule looks like.

[flametoplease]

[ The crew is friendly and they all thank Dave for the treats, but since it's pretty obvious he's here for TK, they clear out of the area quickly, taking the boxes of treats with them. ]

I'm on days this week, and I have Thursday and Friday off. We should try one of those days though, because there's always the chance that I run late on a call. [ Like that time he almost died. And the other time he almost died. ]

[wecanbealright]

Thursday, then, maybe? Fridays are a little bit busier. Gearing up for the weekend.

[ And maybe one less day to be nervous about it would be good for him. He's not going to admit to that out loud, though, that just makes him seem kind of sad. ]

And if stuff comes up, you can always let me know. I, uh -- I get having to call things off unexpectedly.

[flametoplease]

Maybe if it goes well, we can go out Friday too. Or stay in. We'll figure it out.

[ TK's been thinking about asking Dave out for a while. He doesn't want to pressure him though, but if things go well in a romantic sense, well, TK is definitely interested in seeing him as often as they both have time. ]

@pressureofdays

[wecanbealright]

[ << ]


I'll see what I can do. I mean, we're already missing VHS fuzz, I can't deprive you of too much more.

[His stomach flips a little when Judah settles in next to him, which is -- maybe the most ridiculous reaction he could have to a friend keeping close, and he knows it. Dave does his best to stay neutral and not give any sign of it, hands twisting together absently in his lap, rubbing at his own knuckles. It's part covert fidgeting, part genuine habit, trying to work out the soreness that usually settles into his joints.

He does start singing along quietly before they get too far in, familiarity overtaking a desire not to be annoying, but his voice isn't bad, at least. Untrained and clearly amateur, but mostly pretty pleasant.]

Bless you.

[pressureofdays]

[Judah notices Dave’s fidgeting but doesn’t mention it. Goodness knows that Judah does enough of his own fidgeting. The curious thing is that it’s the second time he’s seen Dave seemingly bother his hands tonight, he does want to ask about that, but thinks better of it. If it was something serious, he’s sure his friend would mention it. Well, mostly sure.

It’s harder to ignore Dave’s singing. Something all together pleasant and somewhat familiar, even though he’s never heard the other man sing before. It reminds him all at once of his mom and the way she used to fill a space, with her presence and her voice. It’s a sentimental kind of affection he feels, he leans against Dave more solidly, smiling at both the movie and the singing.

It’s a bit longer before he makes any sound, enraptured by the film. ] I wouldn’t mind if every movie just had muppets as the actors.

@pressureofdays - tfln overflow

[wecanbealright]

[ << ]


It's not fair being sweet when you're too far away from me.


I'm not great at not being nervous, if you cant tell
But I'll try
I feel the same way you know.

[pressureofdays]

Yeah, that’s fair. It’s the only way I can try to help. Being this far away.


Yeah. I’m not great at it either.
But you still reached out. Even just letting me know you are having a bad day is a lot.

[wecanbealright]

[[ << ]]


[He's just as desperate, eagerness completely on display, a needy noise coming from him as he happily cedes control. His fingers grab at the fabric of Judah's coat, trying to pull him closer as much as possible, kissing him like he's starved for it.

It doesn't take that long for the relief of finally getting to touch him to tip over into frustration over not getting to touch him enough, though. Eventually he pulls away with a ragged breath, pushing gently at Judah's chest.] Upstairs, come on.

Bless.

[pressureofdays]

Yeah, okay. [It’s a breathless reply, as much from kissing as it is from Dave’s request, all too eager to follow his lead, he backs away slightly, untangling himself so that they can walk up the stairs. He behaves himself for the most part, not wanting Dave to fall, he knows stairs under normal circumstances can be an issue, he doesn’t want to add any distractions now.

When they get to the landing, he waits for Dave to open the door, already working on unbuttoning his coat so that by the time they get inside, he can already take it off, unceremoniously placing it on the nearest available space. He rounds on Dave afterward, kissing him again as his hands work on the zipper of Dave’s outerwear, hands moving inside as soon as it’s open, pressing over the sweatshirt, rubbing from his stomach, up his chest and over his shoulders to push the coat off.]

[wecanbealright]

[ << ]


[He figures distraction is probably in order, between the question and the tension that doesn't seem to be going anywhere. He's not sure exactly what's going through Judah's head -- maybe he's stuck on what he has to do, or just having a hard night. Not that it matters. Whatever it is, he's here to try to make it a little better, if he can.]

Good. Everything's ready to go and I'm having nightmares about drowning in maraschino cherries, so it seems like we're on track. [He squeezes Judah's arm before moving his hand up to comb at his hair lightly.] Training's going pretty well, too, besides that minor issue. Seems like it's working out so far.

[pressureofdays]

You’re having nightmares? [He turns slightly to see Dave’s face better, like he can tell by just looking if Dave is okay or not, suddenly worried he might have missed something.]

:(

[pressureofdays]

[A call comes through from Judah's number at a little past 2am. Ever since Dave has been in the hospital Judah hasn't been reaching out much past 8pm, hoping that Dave will instead focus on getting sleep or helping himself feel better. Even if that means Judah is up for hours, pacing and stressing and working himself up, he feels too bad to reach out, not wanting to be a burden, not wanting to be difficult. Tonight was no different.

So when Dave answers the phone, it isn't Judah on the other line but a police officer. Judah is in the hospital, Dave was listed in his phone as an emergency contact. They had been called to do a wellness check when a neighbor heard a dog barking nonstop from Judah's apartment. They found him inside unconscious. They don't offer much more, just the location of where Judah is and how to get his belongings once Dave gets there. The whole conversation is perfunctory, the officer is kind but doesn't have time to linger or be gentle. He offers the facts and then ends the call.

The doctor in the emergency room is similar, when Dave gets there they explain that Judah had to have his stomach pumped, alcohol poisoning, exacerbated by a significant amount of xanax in his system. He hasn't woken up yet but he's on fluids. The doctor mentions that they are taking this seriously, that with a bmi score that low, mixed with the substances in his system, it could've been life threatening if they didn't get to him in time. He puts a hand on Dave's shoulder when he tells him that he will be allowed in the room soon, that they have already called for a psychiatry evaluation to take place, that they just have to wait until the overnight doctor can arrive.

It's another hour before they let Dave back into the room, there is a security guard stationed in a chair outside, staring into the room, making sure Judah doesn't try to hurt himself again. Inside, Judah looks pale, dark circles under his wide, scared eyes, his hands rubbing over each other in his lap. He looks up when Dave walks in, opens his mouth to say something, and promptly starts to cry instead.] I'm sorry...I wasn't...I didn't...[He can't finish his sentence for how hard it is to get air into his lungs, his chest and throat burning from being forced to vomit. He wasn't trying to hurt himself. He just didn't know what else to do.]

D:D:D:

[wecanbealright]

[It feels like he's been waiting for the other shoe to drop for a while. Things keep getting worse, Judah keeps getting more distant. Dave doesn't know what to do about it. Occasionally he's tried, in the most roundabout ways, to ask if things are okay, but if Judah doesn't want to talk -- he doesn't know what there is that he can do. He's wanted to help, he's at least tried to make sure Judah knows he's there, making sure to keep in regular contact on his end, but he just doesn't know how.

So. Maybe it's not completely a surprise, when the call comes. He hasn't been waiting for this, exactly, but he knew something was coming.

Doesn't make it any easier when it hits.

He falls apart a little in the waiting room. Sits there with his arms tight around himself, silent tears running down his face, wondering why he didn't do more. He could've asked more, he could've been more insistent about reaching out every day, he could've gotten rid of the pills the first time he realized Judah took them, he could've actually said something about the drinking.... It's an endless list that goes rolling through his head, staring blankly at the wall across from him.

But he does his best to hide all of that when they finally allow him back. He's a little pale and his eyes are a little red, he can't help that, but he scrubs his face first, makes sure he can sound even before he steps out of the bathroom. Judah's reaction almost makes him break into tears again, but he sucks in a deep breath, doesn't let himself. He's got to keep it together, for whatever little bit of good he can do.]

Don't apologize. [Soft and soothing. He moves to stand at the side of the bed and then hesitates, not sure how close to get or how far he should stay. Doesn't know how Judah feels about being touched right now.] You don't have to explain it to me, honey, it's okay.

@pressureofdays -- tfln 2/21

[wecanbealright]

[ << ]


[It's a little clumsy digging his phone out one-handed, but he manages it, giving Judah a small smile and squeezing his hand gently.] Thanks.

[Judah won't find any kind of negative reaction on the other end of the line, at least; vague confusion, at first, but that's about it. She'll tell him she's got it under control and will take care of things for the rest of the week, before letting him go with what's intended as a joking admonishment to take good care of Dave.]

Email Correspondence

[pressureofdays]

To: Dave McCall
Sender: Judah Baker

Hey Dave,

I know I talked to you on the phone a few days ago but once every few days isn't enough. I miss you. A lot.

I think I've been afraid for a long time of how I feel. About you, about my mom and my dad. It's hard to feel emotions that are difficult about people you care about. I'm working on that. On recognizing that feeling difficult emotions doesn't change the way I feel and that it isn't something to feel guilty for. (My therapist would be really happy to hear me saying all of this. I've been less convinced in session)

I'm also trying to take accountability for my own actions. I shouldn't have put you through all of that and I know you are going to say I don't have to apologize so I'm doing it here, where you can't argue. I'm sorry. I should have gotten help a lot sooner, and I shouldn't have waited until almost dying to do it. It's okay if you are mad at me for it, I hope you know that. I hope you are allowing yourself to be angry and sad and everything else that is messy and horrible and I hope we can work through it.

I really want to work through it with you. I hope you want to work through it with me too.

I'm allowed visitors now, if you want to come. Thursdays and Fridays from 12-2. Also, don't be mad (I know you won't be), in group I told everyone about the bakery and they keep hinting that they would love some cookies. I told them you are busy though so don't feel obligated.

See you soon,
Judah
ps I may be the writer, but you will always be the words

>> just leaving this here.

[wecanbealright]

[The response comes through fairly late that night, after a lot of pacing and some rewriting. It's shorter, but not cold; Dave just doesn't tend to write a lot. But one thing that absolutely comes through, if only because he finds about five different ways to say it, is that he's not going anywhere.

Thursday, he promises, as early as he can manage, and immediately goes about setting things up so he can make good on it. He calls the hospital the next day to ask about bringing things, takes care of schedules so he doesn't have to worry about anything for the day. And makes an appointment to see his own therapist on Tuesday, getting his head on a little more straight than it has been lately.

He's still nervous when he shows up at noon, but he's doing his best to keep it to himself. There's a box of assorted cookies tucked into the crook of one arm, his other hand burrowing in the pocket of his jacket as he steps inside, looking around for Judah, the relief immediate and visible when he spots him. It's been long enough that just getting to see for himself how he's doing feels like a weight off.]

I did a thing....sorry XD

[brokeyourown]

[It takes her a few days to work up the courage to actually look for her brother. To be fair, she doesn't have much to go on, and also, if she does find him, she still doesn't really know what she'll say. The only hint she has is an instagram post he put up a few months ago of a bakery in town. It's a horrible clue, for all she knows he only went there once and never again, but it is also the only thing she has, so he decides to check it out.

She didn't really expect him to be there, but she's still disappointed when she walks inside and doesn't see him sitting at any of the tables. She thought of a plan for this though, so she walks up to the counter, waiting for her turn at the register before asking the cashier.] Are you hiring?

do not be sorry I love it :D

[wecanbealright]

[It's fairly quiet for the moment, a couple of occupied tables and a small line. So Dave's taking care of things on his own right now, sent the extra hands home a little early.

The line ends at a completely unfamiliar face, but that isn't too unusual. Their profits are still going up; new customers come in all the time. He doesn't get a chance to ask what she's looking for before she beats him to the punch with her question, though.]

Ah -- not really? [It's almost apologetic, offering her a little smile and leaning against the counter.] You can leave your information if you want, but I'm not sure when it's going to be.

🪄✨

[pressureofdays]

[The bakery isn’t what he expected, although to be fair, he didn’t really know what to expect. This place is infamous among certain crowds, a name dropped enough times while looking for specific items that he eventually feels like he has no option but to visit. He thought it would be showier or maybe at least more obvious but this place is nice, comfy, stepping inside feels equivalent to wrapping up in a thick blanket or settling yourself by the fire with a warm drink, safe, comfortable, homey. He’s still not sure it’s the right place, but it is a place he has no problem staying in for longer as he slowly makes his way up to the counter.

Theres a small line, so he’s able to look around while he waits. A small number of patrons are sitting around tables, some working quietly, while others talk in hushed voices about their day or plans they are making. There is an assortment of desserts in the display case, all of them as delicious to the eyes as he imagines they are to taste, not that he’s the person to know that sort of thing, but he enjoys admiring them nonetheless. When he finally reaches the counter, there is a young woman behind the register and she regards him with a quiet smile, making him feel even more at ease, something that’s pretty rare for him.

He’s starting to think this place must really be magical after all, if the relaxing aura is anything to go off of. For someone who normally stresses about every decision, he feels uncharacteristically at ease in this place as he asks the cashier if the owner is available. She motions to the person next to her and for the first time since he walked him, Judah feels his heart start to quicken.

Behind the register next to her is quite possibly the most beautiful man Judah has ever seen, with dark hair and warm eyes, a dusting of flour over his cheek and a splotch of some kind of chocolate on his arm, Judah almost doesn’t know how to respond as the owner’s eyes turn his way, and he’s quiet for long enough that an awkward smile starts to turn up the corners of the other man’s mouth, still patiently waiting for Judah to give some context for why he’s asked for him specifically. The best he can come up with is,] Do you take special orders?

[He has no idea what his follow-up will be, he assumes the bakery does take orders and that it’s likely any person behind the register could have helped him with that, he also has no idea what he actually needs with a multitude of baked goods he probably won’t eat, but if it gives him a chance to have more time to talk to the person in front of him, and maybe even see him again, then it’s probably worth it.]

[wecanbealright]

[It's a busy day, but not too busy. Kind of a perfect in between: a steady stream of customers in and out of the shop, both regulars and newcomers, but not so much going on that Dave feels like he's tripping over himself trying to keep up. Enough that it's keeping him out behind the counter instead of buried in paperwork or experimenting in the kitchen, but he doesn't mind that too much. It's kinda nice keeping the register, it gives him a chance to say hi to people and to note how they like things to himself.

The other side of the business is dead quiet, but that's not too strange. It comes and goes a lot less regularly than the bakery. Most of the time it's just people looking for things that he can keep in stock anyway, a quick transaction -- potions, salves, poultices, incense, herbal mixtures. Basic work, usually, but he does it well and he puts a lot into it, and that gets him pretty far.

He gets the feeling that might be about to change when Jenny taps his elbow, though, motioning him towards a customer. The fact that he doesn't start rattling off a question as soon as Dave turns to him helps that assessment; people tend to be a lot more awkward about asking for potions and charms then they are about pastries and cakes. It's best to keep quiet, just watching, waiting for the customer to be ready to speak up.

(Not like watching is a hardship. It's hard not to squirm under the eyes on him, trying to remain professional, which means not turning red and not acting like an idiot just because cute customers are looking at him a little too intently. He puts on a smile after a few moments, hopes it looks reassuring and not as awkward and skittish as he feels.)]

Yeah, of course. [He gives a little gesture to step aside, leaving the other cashier to deal with the rest of the line so they can chat, leaning against the top of one of the cases once they're out of the way. There's a little silver pentacle on a chain that he wears at work, a sign to anyone coming through for magical purposes and something easy to explain as a good luck charm to anyone who doesn't know, and he reaches up to fiddle with it. Half drawing attention to it to see if there's a reaction, half genuine nerves.] What kind of special order are you looking for?

Moving this here since Captcha gonna get us kinda soon anyway

[pressureofdays]

[From here]

Yeah, I'll see you upstairs.

[Despite still being a little bit away from the bakery, somehow Judah still beats Dave up the stairs, choosing to enter in through the side instead of the main door, suddenly feeling a little anxious -- not the "restless energy, racing heart" kind of anxious but the "everything feels surreal, disassociation" kind of anxious that just makes it hard for him to hold onto reality. He tries to push through it, taking one of his medications for moments like this, and grabbing a glass of water while he waits through it, listening to the cars outside, King circling in her bed, trying to get comfortable, the ticking of the analog clock on the wall and reminding himself that everything is good, everything is safe.]

Sounds good to me <333

[wecanbealright]

[Dave's a couple of minutes behind anyway, despite his urge to get to Judah quicker, making sure the switch goes smoothly, that there's no problems they think they need him for. They'll call or come get him if something unexpected goes wrong, but it rarely happens that it becomes necessary, so he accepts the reassurance that everything's okay and ducks out, maybe a little faster than he'd let himself be convinced most days.

It only takes a second to zero in and find that Judah's already in. He offers a small, soft smile when he catches sight of him, eyes searching Judah's face as he moves closer like he's trying to read his mood without having to ask.

He still reaches out though, tugging Judah into a hug as soon as he's close enough; he doesn't want to ask and make him think that Dave minds. He definitely doesn't, is happy to offer any and all affection when he can -- as much as he's been kind of hands off lately, giving Judah space, it's mostly because he's taking Judah's anxiety about touching as a sign that he needs it.]

Hey, honey. [A quiet greeting as his arms slide around him, carefully not too tight, leaving him room to break away if he wants it.]

[pressureofdays]

[<<]

[In the end, he does order something for pick up, leaving through the side so Dave doesn't see him, and walking King to grab it. It isn't that hard considering he has to take King out again anyway, and there is a nice Chinese food place they enjoy a few blocks away, so he grabs a few different mains, some rice, and some appetizers and calls it a day -- they'll have leftovers too, which works for the rest of the week.

He's just about done dishing stuff up when he hears Dave coming in through the door, some soft music already playing from the tv, the table set with waters for them both, he leans out of the kitchen to give Dave a smile.] Hey, how was the end of the shift?

[wecanbealright]

Good. Busy. A kid decided I needed the entire history of her favorite character to understand why she wanted green frosting.

[He sounds nothing but pleased; even if it puts him at risk of getting sick more, he gets a lot of joy out of dealing with the excited kids who come in. Besides, it's hard not to be in a good mood coming back to Judah like this, his whole expression lighting up that much more once he looks over, moving towards the kitchen with a smile.] How's your day been?